Char-Leen Craner
"How did you and Daddy meet?" I'd asked a million times but I loved the answer. "We met in Yosemite." Mom answered. "Was it like magic?" I envisioned Disney characters falling in love at first sight. "Did he drop to his knees and ask you to marry him?" My mother laughed. We turned the corner and I saw my father standing next to his green truck, talking with a circle of his friends. "Why don't you ask him yourself?" Letting go of my mother's hand, I raced to my father and jumped into his arms.
"Hey Goose." Dad picked me up. My mother approached with his bagged lunch, he kissed her. "Thank you Mamas." My mother giggled in her cute embarrassed way; she always did when he called her that. In that moment, embraced in my fathers arms and surrounded by them smiling at each other, I thought This is how it's going to be forever.
Forever didn't last long. Forever was before our happy bubble was incinerated into an ash scattered with abuse, addiction, and betrayal. My relationship with my parents changed at age 6. This is when my father began to abuse my mother. Alcohol, crack cocaine, methamphetamine, and heroin quickly consumed their lives. Everything was split into Good and Bad Days. Good Days they got along and we were happy. Bad Days meant that me, my sister and brother were locked in the house, avoiding the battle between my parents. I saw my father hit, punch, slap, kick and slam my mother to the ground, as if she were a rag doll. I didn't want my siblings to witness what I saw so I turned it into a game: "Whoever stays away from Mom and Dad the longest wins!"
I spent years wishing for the perfect t.v family. Instead of watching my parents kiss and hold hands, I saw their fists. Instead of my siblings and I playing hide and seek, we hid from dangers within our own home. Instead of having both parents, I had none. I’ve spent the majority of my adolescent life protecting and caring for my siblings. I have pushed myself to become a strong role model for them - to show them that there is more to life than the choices our parents made.I know that who I am is the result of my parents’ mistakes but the strength I have developed has enabled me to move forward and make a better life for myself and my family.
I never will make the same mistakes my parents did; I will be better and more successful than they ever were. Everyone around me says it is impossible I'm not on drugs or in the streets, impossible that I'm educated, talented and compassionate. However, succeeding in life isn't a miracle for someone with my background. Succeeding is a choice one makes, regardless of where they come from or what they've been through. I made a choice that's hard for most: a choice to not feel sorry for myself, to not turn to drugs for comfort, and to instead step up and care for my siblings. I made the choice to move forward instead of staring at my past. The choice is always in our own hands; I chose.